Sunday, April 13, 2008 ♥
& so i thought i could live without a blog. guess i was wrong.
yesterday was 2.4km run. timing sucked. well, wats new? excluding trainings, i havent been working out. after that left for macs for branch with jac to meet twin n shanthini. then jac had to leave so me, twin and shanthini went to hdb hub, slacked, then left.
she1 started doing it, offered she2 one and she said that she cant do it in front of me. she gave me that pleading look, holding it, waiting for me to say go ahead. but how could i? we had been quite good friends for years. i couldnt let her do it. n i couldnt judge her either; couldnt tell her what to do. she had to make the choice. she1 took pity on her and gave her 1 puff. all the while i just stared. anger had started to build up inside me, just waiting to explod, so i decided to distract myself n started scrowling down my contacts on my hp.
when they were done, we left. i still remain quiet. she2 kept asking me if i was angry over n over again. i tried to ignore her. how can u tell yr friend that u are angry in her face? i was afraid i was going to yell at her.
to tell you the truth, i wasnt angry. i was pissed off! she made a promise that she would stop it abt a week ago, that she would quit, she swore. n she fucking lied! how the fuck can i trust her in this kinda stuff agn?
everytime i wanted to tell her smth, my eyes would start to tear up. i was abt to explode,literally n thats the only how, besides yelling my head of in her face. so i stopped myself n blinked back my tears. i think its like.. the second time in life that i got soo damn bloody pissed off that my eyes started to water whenever i thought of it. she betrayed my effing trust! how could i ever trust her again?
i knew i could stop her. but y didnt i? i could have prevented this from happening. but she had to make the choice on her own now, no one can do it for her anymore. as for she2, the friendship did not start as early as she1. i have right to get mad at her, for giving it to her, or for even doing it. im not her gf, what right do i have in stopping her?
on top of that, mom told me that my aunt isnt doing well in hospital. how was i suppose to deal with that all in one day? gosh.
we met lourdemary n nurrini at inter. i told them abt that 1 puff, hoping that they would drive in the message. if that didnt, i dont know who else to turn to. they had been on it till we reached she1's hse. they dropped the topic cause her mom was at home. we hung out in her room and i acted as if i was ok with her alr. i pretended. if i was, i wouldnt be blogging abt this now. i really hope she'd stop it. i dont want her to ruin her future, nor my twin. really. when they look back in time n regret ever starting it, i would do the same for i did not stop them both from doing it, but just stared! wat kind of friend am i?